Come at Us Giordano’s — Columbus Gets Deep

I’m not a pizza chef and I’m not even qualified to write about food, but I can say this — I’ve eaten so much pizza in my life it’s disgusting.

Which is why I’m both disappointed and excited to hear that Giordano’s deep dish pizza is coming to Columbus early next year in Polaris, according to NBC4i. 

Why are my reactions so polarized, you say? Because deep dish pizza is a fancy dream that movies like to throw in our faces, when in reality deep dish pizza is really just the food incarnation of a heart attack. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, a cake masquerading itself as a pizza.

I’m not about to argue with you how New York pizza is better, because I’ve had that too, and I guess it’s ok. I’m not totally jazzed about the drippy grease and the cheese that slides off in one bite. The crust is damn good though.

Earlier this year I went on a harebrained trip to Chicago. I stayed in a hostel with a friend, and spent four exhausting days both working and attempting to be a tourist in that famous biting  March wind. At the end of the trip, I had to do one last Chicagoan thing, so I went to Lou Malnati’s for some deep dish.

First things first. Deep dish pizza takes almost an hour to cook. I was starving, and the smell of marinara was haunting. Judging by smells, I thought it would be pretty damn great. An appetizer and 45 minutes later, it’s finally here. The waitress cuts into it mountainous marinara and the cheese spills out of the sides like a river.

I couldn’t believe it, a little island girl had come so far in life to eat deep dish pizza. In Chicago. Just wow. But alas, dreams don’t come true, because the paradise the pizza was promised to be was a lie. I bit into my first bite and realized that the sausage that came in it was a wide, thin meat disk layered on the bottom. The cheese, which had already begun to cool, was a thick wad in my mouth, and the crust — just a cakey mess.

All the pizza flavors were great, and the marinara blew my friggin’ mind, but the style of the pizza itself? I think the only time I could repeat that is if I really wanted to shorten my lifespan by a few decades.

Satisfied I had experienced Chicago to its fullest, I left Lou Malnati’s with an uncomfortably full stomach, and an emptier wallet.

So, Giordano’s, I challenge you to change my perspective on deep dish pizza, and that’s why I am excited. Though I know I will walk away with a heart close to seizing, I want to know for sure if I should swear off deep dish pizza. In the meantime, I’ll let Columbus spoil me with its Italian stoves, curated pizza toppings, and irresistibly chewy crusts.

Written by Paola Santiago

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