Luxury Doomsday Prepper Resort Planned for Ohio

Quick! What’s four words that you’d never expect to appear in a sentence? If your answer wasn’t “Luxury Doomsday Prepper Resort” then your aptitude for thinking on your feet is a sign of weakness and you won’t last in the apocalypse. Sorry!

A Texas company is eyeballing some of our sweet Ohio acreage (not a euphemism) in Jackson County for something similar to their 700-acre Trident Lakes community in Dallas. Yeah, we know it’s a far cry from Franklin and Columbus proper, but you can’t have city slickers up and ruining your End of the World bunker paradise.

The Texas and soon-to-be Ohio community “is a five-star playground equipped with DEFCON 1 preparedness,” according to the developer. They aren’t joking about the five-star thing either — with alleged pricing hovering around half a million.

So what’s in store for those wishing to live the nightmare that is the end times? Well, according to The Dispatch, 500 earth-sheltered condos going anywhere from 900 to 3,600 square feet. The entire faculty will be self-sustaining (a Survivalist’s wet dream) and includes water, food and electricity.

There will be tunnels, watchtowers and —that’s right — a 12-foot wall.

Since a business can’t be all dirt and doom, they’ll have some family activities — golfing, horsing, a lake, jogging, polo, a spa, zip lines and guns. Have I mentioned the giant statue of Poseidon yet? How could I forget?

Here’s a report on the one opening in Texas. Are you jacked yet?

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