“Ninja” Assaults Brewery District Kroger Employee

In what could be the most impressively bizarre justification for allegedly assaulting someone, a Columbus man claims he was “a ninja, practicing his moves” after allegedly trying to steal some beer and attacking a Kroger Employee.

To reiterate, this is all alleged —  but the man is sitting in jail and is being held on a $10,000 bond, which is a hefty sum — a small price to pay for Columbus’s effort to keep our streets free of beer-wielding ninjas.

According to court documents, Melvin Bell walked into the Brewery District store, grabbed some ninja fuel (a 30-pack of Natti Light) and just tried to leave.

An intrepid and fearless employee, one without the general anxiety of confrontation decided it was time to be a hero and tried to stop him from leaving. This is when Melvin snapped into ninja-mode and started swinging his case of beer and throwing punches.

Bell told responding officers his ninja-centric occupation, and that was just “practicing” — According to his attorney, Bell denies these accusations.

Hey, if you’re a secret beer drinking ninja, I’m sure you’d want to keep that on the lowdown too.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY