Satanic Temple Bringing ‘Afterschool Satan Club’ To Elementary Schools Nationwide

Okay, stick with us for a second because this is insane. Doug Mesner, professionally known as Lucien Greaves (of course that’s his name), co-founder and spokesman for the Satanic Temple has announced an after school religious program aimed at public elementary schools.

So far, Prince George’s County is the first one the list, as they’ve started the petitioning process to allow them to open as the school year starts.

Lucien Greaves *cough Doug Mesner cough* has said that, “Satan” is just a “metaphorical construct.”

They’ll touch on all the important tenets of Satanism, and will include healthy snacks, science lessons, puzzles and art projects that will surely terrify all parents involved.

Chapter Heads of the Satanic Church were in Salem on July 10th (yes, that Salem) talking strategy; New York, Boston, and our neighbours to the east, Pittsburgh and were all in attendance, and Ohio participated online.

“We think it’s important for kids to be able to see multiple points of view, to reason things through, to have empathy and feelings of benevolence for their fellow human beings,” said Chalice Blythe #psuedonyms

They’ve even got a fancy website, www.afterschoolsatan.com Which features the hilarious phrase, “Educatin’ with Satan.”

Just a heads-up if your kid comes home from school one day wanting to read more about his new lord and savior, Satan.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY