Opening Volley

New trends pop up every day in the capital city, to the point where we had to catch up and catalog all of them—literally from A-Z—in this month’s cover story.

Got me thinking about what’s trending in my personal world—beyond cheese, whiskey, and Saturday Night Live, which are near-constants.

Here we go:

A – Arrested Development
You know that moment where you feel like there’s nothing else left to watch on Netflix? There’s always funny in the banana stand…

B – Beard
Man, who knew letting yourself go would be the thing that draws the most compliments? Shoutout to sadness, that one time, for giving me my new look, and to Bates and Brown for fading me up last month.

C – Ceremonies
Married my 12th couple last month. Bride-in-Bride-Out: 3 minutes, 48 seconds.

D – Delegating
I used to think this was code for laziness. Now I know it’s the key to working hard/smart.

E – Electricity
Spent a whole 20-minute shower trying to convince myself I could explain it to someone else how it works. Reminded me to read more.

F – Food/Fashion
My newest prize possession is a shirt with nothing on it but Catie Randazzo’s masterpiece Chicken Sandwich, designed by Andrew Kern. I wear my enlarged heart (near) my sleeve.

G – Game Shows
Two things I relearned last month: Jeopardy is still a highly underrated form of entertainment and education, and Steve Harvey is a national treasure.

H – Hocking Hills
You’re not doing Ohio right unless you make one pilgrimage a year. Mine for 2017 involved a small, stoned man in a hot tub explaining how he fell in love with a security guard.

I – Internet Trolls
They’re cute, aren’t they? Turns out spelling your name backward isn’t a very solid form of camouflage when you’re trying to fling poo anonymously on the Internet.

J – Jogging
Sorry, that was supposed to be Joking.

K – Karaoke
Decided to spice up one of my favorite past times by asking one of my favorite bartenders to pick out songs. Surprisingly good? “Shimmy Shimmy Ya,” Ol Dirty Bastard. Predictably awful? “First of The Month,” Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.

L – Listening
Okay, that could also be filed under joking. But I’m trying. It’s more important now than ever.

M – Man
As in “Man, I’m tired of new man-made terms that begin with “man.” No, I don’t want to have a manmosa in your mancave. Let’s just hang out. Weirdo.

N – Nostalgia
Learned that St. Augustine believed that events in the past and events in the future don’t technically exist. Technically neither does James Thurber’s vision of Columbus, but I still love the new book on his world by Bob Hunter.

O – Oaxaca (Flaca Flame)
I usually can’t pronounce it before or after I order this delicious drink at Curio.

P – Prohibition
Thanks to liquor lawyer-turned Ohio V. The World podcast host Alex Hastie, I am now fully versed on the Anti-Saloon League, the Kent State shooting, and the War of 1812. Can’t wait for the one about Warren G. Harding’s old smut letters.

Q – Quince
It’s a fruit. See: Jeopardy, Rosie Perez.

R – Rollerblading
Not a new hobby. But definitely on my mind since I revisited the 1993 Cincinnati-based classic film Airborne.

S – Smee
Someone told me I looked like Bob Hoskins’ character in Hook. I’ll take it. It’s not as good as being compared to Judge Philip Banks but way better than that time I was told I looked like Randy from My Name is Earl.

T – This is a Movie
A brilliant game invented by my lady over long trans-Atlantic Skype sessions. The premise: someone makes you guess a movie with only the year it was released and other movies that three of its actors appeared in. Try it. It’s addicting.

U – Uber Eats
Or PostMates. Or Amazon Prime. I just can’t stop.

V – Vacation
Yep, gonna do that more. When you read this, I’ll be knee-deep in Sazeracs just north of the Gulf.

W – Walking
Also, for Who Knew? Walking for sport? Relaxation? And nothing’s wrong with my car? I guess this is growing up…

X — Xenos
I seriously get pitched this story 3-4 times a year.

Y — Yas, Queen
Nah, dude.

Z — Zed
I’m dating a British woman. So this is how I say this now.

Travis Hoewischer, Editor-in-Chief


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