FAQ: Pants

There’s plenty of colorful personalities in the Columbus food and drink scene.

And we’re setting out to capture them—one dish/drink at a time.

This month, it’s the illustrious/mysterious veteran bartender we only know by one curious pluralization.

He can probably beat you in trivia. He makes some of the best cocktails in the city, and wears a fedora better than anyone. Not only is he a master mixologist, he is one of the reasons why the atmosphere at the Kindred Brewing (505 Morrison Rd, Gahanna) taproom is so damn inviting. The man, the myth, the legend: Pants.

The obvious question: Why does everyone call you Pants? Everyone calls me Pants for the same reason people call each other anything—that’s how I usually introduce myself. In other circles I’m known as John, Jack, Sergio, Chris, and The Mayor. Someone called me Paul at a party, but they had mistaken me for someone else.

Special talents or hobbies? As far as hobbies, there’s not a lot I’m not interested in. Except not ending sentences with prepositions. And the somewhat-antiquated prohibition on double-negatives. And the temperate-use of hyphens. So maybe grammar-in-general. But everything else I’m pretty into.

Best beer you’ve ever had: It was just called Pilsner. It’s comparable to Miller Lite but of the Ecuadorian persuasion. I drank it one night down there and ended up making out with one of the prettiest girls I have ever met … sometimes context is everything.

Favorite Ohio beer: Whatever homebrew friends drop off. I love the joie-de-vivre and creativity homebrewers bring to the table. Anything done for passion as opposed to profit seems to taste better. Enthusiasm definitely has its own flavor profile and you can’t beat the price.

People might also know you from…. Bars, bingo halls, brothels, bocce courts, basement shows, back alleys and the occasional bush… Any place that begins with ‘B’, really.

What’s your perfect vacation? I would have to say Columbus from May to August. The weather is warm, I can sit on my porch, and everyone else is away on vacation.

What truly makes you love your job? What’s not to love? I get my mornings free and spend my evenings helping people have a good time.

Who would you want to have a beer with, living and deceased? The person alive who I’d most like to have a beer with is the one who is buying the next round. I don’t like drinking with dead people. They’re poor conversationalists and they smell weird.

Pull up a chair at Kindred Wednesday-Saturday, and let Pants pour you a pint. For more, visit kindredbeer.com.


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