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Girls Just Want Societal Autonomy

It’s the holidays and your conservative uncle is at it again. He’s going on-and-on about how women are flooding into politics and are becoming a larger-represented group in areas like Congress, the House of Representatives, and the Senate. His sentiment is simple: women hate men, especially feminists, and they’ll stop at nothing to take down [...]
Mitch Hooper

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It’s the holidays and your conservative uncle is at it again. He’s going on-and-on about how women are flooding into politics and are becoming a larger-represented group in areas like Congress, the House of Representatives, and the Senate. His sentiment is simple: women hate men, especially feminists, and they’ll stop at nothing to take down every man.

But what do feminists actually want? Maybe I’m not the best person to answer this. As a man, my life is pretty simple. I can go outside wearing any outfit I want and no one, besides maybe my mom, is going to say anything to me. If I want to sit in bed and eat a large cheese pizza by myself on Saturday, my roommates won’t bat an eye or tell me that it’s going to go straight to my thighs. And when the plumber comes to fix my toilet, we talk about sports and the weather—there’s no grazing eyes or unsolicited flirtations.

These are just the things that I, as a man, don’t have to endure. But for women, these are day-to-day experiences. Women are presented with a constant struggle of, “I had a long week, but I can’t go to work without my makeup on—” because everyone in the office will surely ask, “Are you okay? You look tired.” And heaven forbid a woman sit in bed and binge Netflix while they gorge on junk food. You *know* where all those carbs are going, right?

As you can see, it’s tricky waters for women. For every potential voice pushing forward for progress, there seems to be a louder one pushing against. But treading these waters is something some women are used to, and when it comes to the authors of “New Erotica For Feminists: Satirical Fantasies Of Love, Lust, & Equal Pay,” they are experienced.

“We take the literal view of feminism as all people should be equal, We’re not trying to create a society where men don’t exist. It’s just literally like, ‘treat women like humans.’”

“New Erotica For Feminists” is not an erotica novel. Readers will experience the same stereotypical situations you’d find in erotica novels, or maybe even pornos, but the story is told much differently. The book uses those erotic yet corny situations—the plumber stops by the house while you’re alone to “lay some pipes”—and juxtaposes them with moments that shed light on modern-day feminism—the plumber and the protagonist happily walk to the bathroom where the plumber lays down new copper piping and the two talk about the upcoming midterm elections. Instead of an overly and ridiculously sexualized situation where the woman is but a sex pawn for the story, the book uses these scenarios to show that feminists aren’t after some sort of hierarchy, rather, sometimes they just want some new copper pipes and a good conversation with another human being.

“We take the literal view of feminism as all people should be equal,” co-author Brooke Preston said. “We’re not trying to create a society where men don’t exist. It’s just literally like, ‘treat women like humans.’

The book was a collective effort of four different satire writers: Caitlin Kunkel, Fiona Taylor, Carrie Wittmer, and Brooke Preston. Coincidentally, the collective effort was actually more of a cloud effort—the four writers never actually met in a room to write the vignettes until the weekend they finished the book. Their meeting spot? Brooke’s hometown of Columbus, Ohio.

“He calls me into his office and closes the door… to promote me. He promotes me again and again. I am wild with ecstasy.”

The women were already experienced writers because of the website they co-founded, The Belladonna, a comedy and satire site with women and non-binary authors. In the book, the women explain that the idea sprang from them all goofing off in their group chat while editing some things for the website. It started with trying to devise a scheme that would get LaCroix Sparkling Water to deliver them cases with the intent to obtain a “corporate sponsorship.”

“And hey, while we’re speaking these desires into the universe, why not send, say, Tom Hardy to make that delivery?” —excerpt from the ‘Foreplay’ of “New Erotica For Feminists.”

After a shorter version of the book went viral in early February 2018 on McSweeney’s Internet Tendencies, a humorist website that’s been around since 1998, the four women did some legwork, secured a book deal in the United Kingdom, and eventually secured a deal in the States as well. Believe it or not, the entire process—from contracts to writing to publishing—all happened in 2018.

“He calls me into his office and closes the door… to promote me. He promotes me again and again. I am wild with ecstasy.” — vignette from the original McSweeney’s story.

While on the surface, reading this book might create the illusion that these writers are professional comedians with touring careers, Brooke said it’s not as it seems. She said she lives in “the shadows of suburbia,” or in other words, she’s a wife and the mother of a five-year-old. For her and the other authors, the joy of this book is in satire writing.

But why erotica? When Brooke told her parents about the book deal, she was quickly met with, “Brooke? Are we going to be able to show our face in church?” But, as the book says, erotica offers the chance for the reader to imagine themselves as someone else, and this book is no different in that sense. Sometimes people’s reaction to that is good, and other times people are a bit more reluctant.

“For the most part, people get it. [When I was in] New York, people were like, ‘Yeah, no I get it. I read the subtitle,’ ” Brooke explained. “But here the reaction I usually get is, ‘Oh, my!’ Usually, I’m like “stop clutching your pearls, it’s fine! It’s all tongue-in-cheek!”

Brooke said the themes in the book were meant to be universal, and that included steering clear of being too political.

“We felt like the book was political in itself just because all of those things do affect women on every level. We do touch on health care, paid maternity leave, and all those things, but we didn’t want to put Trump in our book.”

There’s many reasons for that, but most notable is the idea is that anyone should be reading this book—regardless of party lines. Yes, the book itself is progressive and your aforementioned conservative uncle will probably not agree with everything therein. But what the book does do is open the eyes of people who might not realize their actions have implications.

“It’s like you walk up and press the button and a man walks up behind you, checks, and presses it again ‘just to make sure’ that it’s been pressed. It’s just like, ‘Cool! You’re an adult, you know how to use elevators!’,” Brooke explained about the elevator vignette in the book. “It’s just a small subconscious thing, but when it happens to you all the time, you’re just like, ‘I’m not a child! I know how elevators work! And if it’s not working for me, it’s not going to work for you.’ ”

So maybe this book won’t be the driving force for a change in conversation for the holidays this season, but what it might do is change the way we go about these conversations. Instead of your uncle bitching up a storm about too many women in politics, he might respectfully accept your point of view as another human being and engage in a political discourse that is beneficial
to society.

New Erotica For Feminists is available on neweroticaforfeminists.com. You can also find more work from the authors on their website, thebelladonnacomedy.com.

millennial | writer | human

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Watch: “World’s largest mural” in Short North is more than meets the eye

Regina Fox

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At a glance, "The Journey AR Mural" adorning the Graduate Columbus hotel in Short North is stunning. Look a little harder, and it actually comes to life.

Standing at over 107 feet tall and over 11,000 square feet of augmented reality, "The Journey AR Mural," is the world's largest AR mural, offering technology that superimposes a computer-generated image on a user's view of the real world, thus providing a composite view.

The gaily-painted snapdragons, hibiscus, Easter lilies, and hummingbirds bloom and fly when viewed through the Journey AR Mural app (free for iPhone and Android). Watch the murals come to life in the video below.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B7PRvBxpBkI/

Los Angeles-based artists Ryan Sarfati and Eric Skotnes (going by “Yanoe” and “Zoueh," respectively) are the creatives behind the project.

In an interview with Short North Arts District, Skotnes revealed he was inspired to take on the project after learning that Columbus is home to the second largest population of Somali immigrants in the country—he hopes the murals symbolize strength and prosperity for its viewers.

To learn more about The Journey AR Mural, visit shortnorth.org.

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Undercover: Unique music festival showcases Columbus music talent this weekend

Mike Thomas

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Since beginning in 2018, Columbus Covers Columbus (CCC) has grown into a signature event in the thriving local music scene. Now in its third year, this unique festival is centered on the concept of local musicians playing sets comprised entirely of music from other local acts.

CCC is the brainchild of Columbus music promoter Tony Casa, who wanted to create a showcase for a supportive community of local artists to share their mutual admiration for each other's music.

As entertaining as the event is for spectators, CCC doubles as a valuable networking opportunity for local entertainers and creatives.

"There are great local merchants, games, and tons of networking opportunities for everyone in the community," says Casa. "This isn’t just a great show, it’s like a proper festival—but in the winter."

Since its inception, the event has expanded to include stand-up comedy, poetry readings, burlesque performances, live podcast recordings, and more, all in the spirit of promoting and celebrating the Columbus creative community.

CCC will take place from January 17-19 at Classics Victory Live at 543 S High St. The event is 18+, with tickets available at the door for $10. For more info including a full list of artists and vendors, visit Columbus Covers Columbus on Facebook.

Cover photo by Catherine Lindsay photography.

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Columbus band snarls is bursting with promise on debut LP

Mike Thomas

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As the decade that birthed the fidget spinner and basically nothing else of note drew to a close, music blogs large and small dedicated astonishing amounts of digital ink to their inevitable “album/song/artist of the decade” rankings.

Usually restrained to a totally undaunting 100 items, these lists surveyed the topography of a ten year span that saw the legacy of rock music as we know it (straight, male, and horny) continue its gradual and unceremonious slide into irrelevance.

From relative newcomers like Courtney Barnett, Snail Mail, and Julien Baker, to established voices such as the Breeders, St. Vincent, and Sleater-Kinney, rock music in the 2010s was revitalized by female artists who enjoyed a larger portion of the spotlight in this decade than ever before.

Columbus-based alt-rockers snarls are firmly situated on this new wave, but the rapid success the group has enjoyed since forming in 2017 is entirely due to their own hard work and astonishing creative powers. Consisting of Chlo White on guitar and lead vocals, Riley Dean on bass and vocals, and sibling duo Mick and Max Martinez on guitar and drums respectively, snarls is the capital city’s contribution to the future of rock—and they won’t be contained to the 614 for long.

Photos: Brian Kaiser

Originating in the local DIY scene, snarls got their start playing house shows, eventually moving on to established venues throughout the city. The group’s sound incorporates influences from ‘90s grunge, to the emo stylings of bands like American Football, to the pop sensibilities of Halsey and Kesha. The result, as White puts it, is music that coalesces into a “melting pot of teenage angst.”

In the summer of 2019, snarls was propelled to a new level of notoriety when the video for the group’s single, “Walk in the Woods”—a glittering anthem of unrequited love sung over chorused-out guitars and with a hook more infectious than meningitis—premiered on the music blog Stereogum. The track also made the cut for the site’s “100 Favorite Songs of 2019” roundup.

“We didn’t even have a tripod, the camera was set on like four books and the backdrops kept fucking falling,” White recalls of filming the video, which the group self-produced.

“That song not only has given us more streaming, but has brought us so much press and cool shows,” Mick says of the track, which has accrued almost 40,000 streams on Spotify at the time of this writing. “I don’t think the Sleater-Kinney thing would ever have happened if that song wasn’t out. It’s crazy that just that one song alone has brought us so much opportunity.”

The Sleater-Kinney thing? That would be snarls opening for the legendary Pacific Northwest rockers at the Newport Music Hall on their recent tour stop in Columbus. While it was easily the biggest show in the young group’s career thus far in terms of profile and audience size, the members of snarls were up to the challenge.

“For me, it’s easy to switch between playing a house venue and playing the Newport,” Dean says confidently of the band’s milestone moment. “It’s still just a stage. It’s still just people watching me play my music. One’s just bigger.”

If the release of the group’s breakthrough single is any indication of snarls’ trajectory, it’s safe to assume big things are on the horizon. “Walk in the Woods” is just a taste of the group’s first full-length LP, titled Burst, which is planned for a Spring 2020 release. To help achieve their artistic vision for the album, snarls tapped Jon Fintel of Relay Recording to handle production duties.

“Jon has played a really important role,” Mick says of Fintel’s contributions to the recording process. “Not only does everything sound high-quality because of him, but even when we brought demos to him, it was like ‘let’s scrap this song because it doesn’t quite fit in, and I know that you guys can do something better.’ And then we wrote one of our favorite songs.”

For established fans, the description that snarls teases for their new release should come as no surprise: expect a long emotional arc cast across tracks that alternate between “perfect for dancing,” and others better suited to crying. For snarls, the completion of the recording provides a profound sense of accomplishment.

“I make a lot of art. I’m always making a photo, or doodling, or writing. But this is one of my—our—finer- crafted pieces of art that I am just really proud of, regardless of what happens with it, or if it goes anywhere,” says White. “If it just sits in a dark corner for the rest of my life, I’m still content. I’m just really proud of all the work that we collected in this little ten song record.”

Find snarls on all major streaming platforms. For tour dates, merch, and more, visit snarlsmusic.com

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