Connect with us

Sports

Op-ed: Mapfre Stadium sucks, support sucks, Precourt doesn’t suck [that badly]

Steve Croyle

Published

on

Let’s be honest.

Anthony Precourt isn’t exactly a forthright individual, but his decision to move the Crew is sound from a business perspective. Despite the furor over his efforts to relocate to Austin, Columbus has not supported this team nearly as much as people are claiming. Attendance is consistently low, as is revenue. Success on the field means little because over the lifetime of the franchise, postseason attendance has been lower than regular season attendance.

Even Soccer Standings Digest referred to Crew attendance as a “free-fall.”

(Side note: We are not referring to those of you who have been season ticket holders since day one. Your support is not in question. But unfortunately, a small, dedicated group of Crew fans cannot carry the weight of the entire city.)

Why wouldn’t Precourt and MLS want to move?

Mapfre Stadium is a cheap, soccer-specific piece of crap, hastily erected at the fairgrounds because the Ohio Exposition Center could leverage a low cost lease into fleecing soccer fans for parking. They also banked on the MLS folding, and being able to buy a bargain arena for concerts during the Ohio State Fair. Mapfre is too small to afford the team and the MLS the seating potential required by today’s standards. Additionally, the location—which is isolated from everything other than a sketchy neighborhood, Lowes, and the State Trooper Training academy—is not conducive to stimulating attendance. It’s a detriment. Every week thousands of people talk themselves out of going to a game because it’s a drag. There are no bars or restaurants within walking distance for pre and post game festivities. There’s also no walk-up traffic, like you see at Huntington Park.

Columbus’s leaders dropped the ball, much like they did when Stone came calling. They were clueless about craft beer, just as they were clueless about the success the MLS is enjoying in other cities. The leaders of this community didn’t ask why other teams were drawing twice as many people to MLS games. They didn’t investigate if moving he Crew to the Arena district might help bring people downtown during the NHL’s offseason. Nope, they sat around scheming to give developers more tax breaks while the owner of the Crew had to figure out how to turn around a failing franchise. He’s no saint, but he definitely isn’t a villain.

Nobody wants to lose the Crew, but failing to be honest about why Precourt is trying to move the team isn’t going to solve the problem. We didn’t get behind the Crew until the team started packing its bags. That’s the only leverage the MLS and Precourt have. Precourt doesn’t owe us anything.

If we want to keep this team, we need to make things right. That starts with facing the truth.

Continue Reading

Sports

The Big Ten: 10 reasons why Jim Harbaugh is an absolute nutcase

1870 Staff

Published

on

There’s no question Jim Harbaugh is a weirdo. He’s been caught picking his nose on the sidelines, he essentially wears the same outfit every single day no matter the occasion, and his personality is about as bright as a military general on cocaine. In other words, Harbaugh is set in his ways, and his ways are strange as shit.

But there’s more to this man’s madness than booger flicking and khaki pants. He’s a weirdo that wears many hats (but not many different variation of pants). And we have 10 reasons to prove it to you.

1.) Jim Harbaugh, the Spongebob fanatic.

To quote the coach on a radio show in Ann Arbor, “I love his attitude. He attacks each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind! I’ve kind of modeled my behavior after him. We all should. What a great employee he is. He’s a go-getter. He’s always got a bounce to his step. He’s got pizzazz. He puts his heart and soul into making those krabby patties. I think he’s awesome.” Uhhh, sure. Whatever you say, man.

2.) Jim Harbaugh, the house guest.

“Mom, can coach Harbaugh stay the night tonight?” Those were (probably) the words of Michigan’s current kicker, Quinn Nordin, as well as the defensive end from USC, Connor Murphy. In an effort to get the two recruits to commit to Michigan, Harbaugh took trips to visit the athletes. Perfectly normal. What’s not normal is Harbaugh crashing at the recruits house for the night. Dude, you are the third highest paid coach in college football. You’re either too cheap to buy a hotel, or you’re too odd to realize this was a weird ass move.

3.) Jim Harbaugh, the music man.

If you haven’t had the luxury of watching this music video, put this magazine down and pull up YouTube. Rap duo, Bailey, produced a Michigan hype song to promote the 2016 season titled “Who Has It Better Than Us?” which featured Harbaugh literally screaming those exact words for the chorus. This is just as much weird (Harbaugh’s rap career isn’t looking good) as it is ironic as the Wolverines would go on to lose to Ohio State and in their bowl game against Florida State. We can think of at least two schools that have it better than ya’ll…

4.) Jim Harbaugh, the conspiracy theorist.

He said they were a “nervous bird.” We’re not even gonna attempt to explain this. Here’s what a former Michigan quarterback, Wilton Speight, had to say to Bleacher Report about the hate against chickens: “He thinks some type of sickness injected its way into the human population when people began eating white meats instead of beef and pork. And he believes it, 100 percent.” … Riiiiight.

5.) Jim Harbaugh, the babysitter.

Turns out that fateful night he stayed with Connor Murphy wasn’t the first time. Harbaugh has stayed at the Murphy residence in the past, when he was a head coach at Stanford, to recruit Murphy’s brother, Trent. During the night, Connor and Trent’s mother went into labor forcing the father to take her to the hospital to give birth. As for Harbaugh and, at the time, 12-year-old Connor? Here’s what Connor told the LA Times: “Coach Harbaugh sat on my living room floor with me and we drank milk and played chess.”

6.) Jim Harbaugh, the patriotic music man.

If coaching doesn’t work, it seems like Harbaugh is eyeing a career in music. In 2016, rapper Lil Dicky came to Ann Arbor to preform. For reasons we have absolutely no way of understanding, Lil Dicky brought Harbaugh on stage to… sing the national anthem? And, as on brand as the mother fucker is, he was wearing those damn khakis for the performance. He probably flicked a few boogers backstage, too.

7.) Jim Harbaugh, the president?

Apparently rapper Wale and Jim Harbaugh are cooking something up for a presidential run. In 2016, Wale tweeted at the TTUN coach and endorsed him for a presidential campaign. Harbaugh responded back eager to bring Wale on as his Vice President. Let’s play a game, Buckeye Nation, would you rather have Trump as president, or Harbaugh?

8.) Jim Harbaugh, the khakis man.

We all know how much the man loves his Dockers, but do you really know how deep that love runs? The man worksout in his khakis. We’re sure that never gets too sweaty. The man swims—SWIMS!!—in his khakis. And he’s even been spotted running around the practice field shirtless showing off that pasty-white dad bod, but still in those damned khakis.

9.) Jim Harbaugh, the dietician.

We already know the man hates chickens, but did you know how much he loves cows? Almost as much as he loves khakis, believe it or not. Harbaugh is convinced that milk and steak are a “natural steroid.” Here’s what Harbaugh had to say about his affinity to “natural steroids” on a radio show in Ann Arbor: “I take a vitamin every day. It’s called a steak. … I truly believe the No. 1 natural steroid is sleep, and the No. 2 natural steroid is milk, whole milk. Three would be water. Four would be steak. [Steak] … it goes with everything.”

10.) Jim Harbaugh, the actor.

Why not? He’s a president, a singer, a rapper, a babysitter, and even a Spongebob stan. Of course he’s made a few appearances on television. The first time was on Saved By The Bell where he didn’t even get an excited “woo!” from the fake audience when he came on screen. Screech gets one every time he’s on camera and he’s a main character. The other time was when Harbaugh showed his true side on Detroiters for a skit. He loses his shit during a tailgating style game and ends up drilling the main character in the back of the head with a football. Okay so the Detroiters skit is actually kind of funny.•

Continue Reading

Sports

Top 5 times Ohio State broke Michigan’s heart in The Game

Avatar

Published

on

Curtis Samuel Shows off His Madden Moves (2016)

For all Buckeye fans, this moment is unforgettable. After going down to Michigan in the second quarter, the two teams matched blows all game and even ended up in double overtime. After J.T. Barrett converted a fourth down, Curtis Samuel 15-yards to seal the win. Not only was Samuel’s TD amazing, it also cemented the Bucks’ place in the College Football Playoff while keeping TTUN out. Two birds with one stone.

Game of the Century (2006)

In the final iteration of the Buckeyes led by Troy Smith and Ted Ginn, Jr., the Buckeyes did not disappoint. This game had perhaps the largest implications of any on this list, because everyone in America pretty much knew that the winner would advance to the BCS National Championship game. Also: who could forget both Beanie Wells and Antonio Pittman going 50+ yards for touchdowns in the same game?

Ohio State Can’t Go to a Bowl Game… But They Also Aren’t Going to Lose (2012)

While Ohio State was dealing with a ban from bowl games, they didn’t stop wrecking opponents, and Michigan was no exception. Heading into the game, Michigan was the No. 20 team in the nation and had hopes for a win over their rival as well as moving up in the rankings to get a more prestigious bowl game. The Wolverines got neither.

Tyvis Powell is Clutch as Hell (2013)

This was one of the more competitive games in recent history. After being tied at halftime, the Bucks and Wolverines continued to trade blows until the very last moment. At the end of the game, Devin Gardner threw a touchdown to Devin Funchess to bring Michigan within 1 point and set up for a PAT. However, Michigan gambled for the win by going for two, and Tyvis Powell shut them down. It’s basically the Ohio State football equivalent of LeBron James’ block on Andre Iguodala in the 2016 NBA Finals, except Ohio State actually ended up winning.

Beat Michigan, then Win The Championship (2002)

Going into the game as the #2 team in the nation, Ohio State had amassed 12 wins before facing off against their bitter rival and were working on one of the best seasons in college football history. Seeing as Michigan had played spoiler to the Bucks’ perfect seasons three times in the ’90s, it felt like Michigan could keep Ohio State out of the BCS national championship, but Will Allen had other plans. With time expiring, Allen snagged an interception near the end zone that prevented the Wolverines from scoring a game winning touchdown. After that, Ohio State went on to beat Miami and win the BCS national championship. Talk about a story book ending for the Bucks — and a nightmare for the Wolverines.

Continue Reading

Sports

Top 5 worst people from Michigan

Danny Hamen

Published

on

1. Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope

While these two gentlemen might be geniuses at branding themselves, their music is just awful. I mean really. The worst of the worst. Their movies suck too. If you disagree, then you are probably guilty of petty theft from Walmart.

2. Kid Rock

Kid Rock’s take on rap-rock elevated the entire genre, a factoid that should cement him into the list on its own. But this dude is running for senator on hyper-conservative platforms. If you are thinking about voting for him, we are just going to leave this quote right here: “[rap rock] turned into a lot of bullshit and it turned out to be pretty gay…if someone says you can’t say ‘gay’ like that, you tell them to go fuck themselves.”

3. Jim Harbaugh

This one is obvious. For more reasons why this khaki loving crybaby is such a wiener, check out page 30.

4. Tim Allen

Ok, while he might not be the worst human in the world, his conservative view of the world and lame jokes about women admits him entrance to the list. “Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.” Tim Allen, you are the metaphoric station wagon of Michigan.

5. John Norman Chapman

Ok, so the “Co-Ed Killer” is by far the worst out of all of the people that hails from Michigan. All of his victims were 13-21—each abducted, raped, beaten, murdered, and mutilated. He is one of the most brutal serial killers of all time, right behind Jeffery Dahmer and Ted Bundy.

Continue Reading

No mo’ FOMO

Missing out sucks. That's why our daily email is so important. You'll be up-to-date on the latest happenings and things to do in Cbus + be the first to snag our daily giveaways

Shop Now!

The Magazines

X