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“Bizarre Utopia,” hilarious article pokes holes in Planet Oasis plan




Let’s talk Planet Oasis: Some of you are excited, others are concerned.

But one OhVarsity! article suggests that it’s all just a big joke.

“Planet Oasis is Central Ohio’s Bizarre Utopia,” is an op-ed that very sarcastically pokes holes in the gigantic plan for the entertainment complex in Delaware County.

First, the author Matt Allaire, points out that the Planet Oasis website ( provides little to no information.

And, the Kick Off video published to YouTube was just begging to be comedically ripped apart.

In the video, David Glimcher, Principal/Visionary/President, opens with, “Planet Oasis is located in Ohio because it’s the center of the universe!”

“I’m gonna call B.S. on that, just simply because it pisses me off,” writes Allaire. “I love Ohio, but rural Ohio is not a destination point no matter how much you try to spin it.

Next, the author touches on how the entertainment complex is marketing towards “anyone 3 to 83.”

“Are you not allowed to bring a 2 year old?” he writes jokingly. “What if you’re 87 and just looking for a good time?”

“World Class Health & Wellness” is one of Planet Oasis’ main selling points according to the video.

At one point, a scrolling lists of services appears; “Eastern Therapy, Energy Doctors, Nutritionists…”

“Who wants a nutritionist on vacation? Not me. Might as well get my prostate checked while I’m at PLANET OASIS,” mocks Allaire. Also, I need to know what an Energy Doctor is, and if they can prescribe BDE.”

What the author calls the “funniest” part of the video is when Glimcher is talking about the park’s alleged paddle boats and gondolas while B-roll of Universal Studios plays.

“They just took footage of Universal Studios and extremely poorly blurred out the giant logo in the background. Universal Studios would be one of Planet Oasis’ biggest competitors, so using their footage to help sell your park seems like an extremely bad idea,” writes Allaire. “Also, they definitely didn’t license this which makes it even funnier to me.”


When the video goes into Planet Oasis’ Augmented and Virtual Reality features, the author goes off.

“Only one of the things they show actually exists yet!” he said.

Then, there’s the butterfly museum with “over 3,000 species.”

“WHY??” Allaire wonders.

And the “Sky Wheel.”

“WHY????? At this point you’re probably reacting like most people, asking how this is even possible,” he said.

Planet Oasis’ liberal use of stock image in their very first image was also a main laughing point for Allaire.

Here are a few examples:


“Oh, and this video looks like it was made by me at the age of 12 in Windows Movie Maker,” he said.

Allaire on location: “The craziest part of this is that Delaware County hasn’t even agreed to this yet.”

Allaire on cost: “TWO. BILLION. DOLLARS. IN RURAL OHIO. That’s a lot of money!”

Allaire on the Planet Oasis in general: “I’m sure these are all good people but this just seems like a disaster from the beginning. Would probably be best to call this off before it begins.”

Read all his hot takes at

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Biz + Dev

1 popular restaurant, 1 secret bar planned for Bridge Park concept




Two separate hospitality companies are to expand to Bridge Park; one you may recognize, one you may not.

Cameron Mitchell Restaurants will be opening a second Pearl location in the western portion of the Dublin development, reports Columbus Business First. The original Pearl is located at 86 N High St.

In the lower level of the restaurant will be No Soliciting, a members-only bourbon bar. The flagship No Soliciting bar is located at 119 E Chestnut St, Columbus. This bar comes to us from Rise Brands, the company behind 16-Bit Bar + Arcade and Pins Mechanical Co.

The Pearl at Bridge Park will be two stories and offer a view of the Scioto River from its patio. Similar to the Short North location, their menu will revolve around seafood. This will be CMR’s third venture at Bridge Park with Cap City Diner and The Avenue Steak Tavern already operating.

Rise Brands already has a presence at Bridge Park, also. The company opened Pins Mechanical Co. on the east side of the development in 2017, and 16-Bit followed last year. Rise Brands is planning to add a yet-to-be-named quick-service restaurant there, too.


The original No Soliciting opened in 2017. Membership applications are accepted online and must be approved by No Soliciting’s founding members. Members can then access the bar by ringing up the old rotary phone at 119 E Chestnut St.

At the Bridge Park location, members will enter via a private entrance. Plans call for an outdoor patio/grotto area, more square footage than the downtown location, and a room where sporting events will be shown.

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Biz + Dev

Updates on Dublin’s North Market project




Construction has just begun on Block D of Dublin’s Bridge Park development which is to include a second North Market concept.

Crawford Hoying design director Russ Hunter told Dublin News in :90 that we can expect Dublin’s North Market to open in spring 2020.


Hunter says guests will recognize some places from the original North market at 59 Spruce St, but promises there will be some new names, too. It will be located on the ground floor of the Block D parking garage on Longshore Street between Tuller Ridge and John Shields Parkway.

Block D will also feature all the other amenities we’ve come to expect from multi-use projects like this: retail, offices, restaurants, apartments.

To learn more about what’s going on at Bridge Park, click here.

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Biz + Dev

Confirmed: Google surfing into central Ohio

Kelsey Lawrence



Google CEO Sundar Pichai revealed big plans today that involve the city of Columbus. As part of a $13 billion expansion of the company, Pichai confirmed with Columbus Business First that a data center in New Albany will open this year. This has been speculated for months now.

Back in October, a Google affiliate called Montauk Innovations LLC acquired more than 440 acres of land north of Morse Road and west of Beech Road in New Albany for a potential $600 million data center—about a mile from where Facebook’s $750 million data center is being built.

The data center is expected to create tens of thousands of jobs during the construction and once it opens.


The City of New Albany is jazzed about the news, posted on Facebook how excited they are for the new addition to the New Albany International Business Park.

“You are going to love being a part of our technology cluster, and the $750,000 in new annual revenues the city will receive beginning in 2021 is equivalent to a $37.5 million payroll,” they wrote. Our community will also love the fact that our two school partners will share more than $1 million annually in new revenues once construction is complete. Thank you!

Welcome to #NewAlbanyOhio, Google! We are excited about your investment in the New Albany International Business Park,…

Posted by New Albany, Ohio Government on Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Thirteen other states are also part of the expansion plans.

Read more about the Google expansion in a blog post written by Sundar Pichai himself.

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