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“Bizarre Utopia,” hilarious article pokes holes in Planet Oasis plan

614now Staff

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Let’s talk Planet Oasis: Some of you are excited, others are concerned.

But one OhVarsity! article suggests that it’s all just a big joke.

“Planet Oasis is Central Ohio’s Bizarre Utopia,” is an op-ed that very sarcastically pokes holes in the gigantic plan for the entertainment complex in Delaware County.

First, the author Matt Allaire, points out that the Planet Oasis website (planetoasis.fun) provides little to no information.

And, the Kick Off video published to YouTube was just begging to be comedically ripped apart.

In the video, David Glimcher, Principal/Visionary/President, opens with, “Planet Oasis is located in Ohio because it’s the center of the universe!”

“I’m gonna call B.S. on that, just simply because it pisses me off,” writes Allaire. “I love Ohio, but rural Ohio is not a destination point no matter how much you try to spin it.

Next, the author touches on how the entertainment complex is marketing towards “anyone 3 to 83.”

“Are you not allowed to bring a 2 year old?” he writes jokingly. “What if you’re 87 and just looking for a good time?”

“World Class Health & Wellness” is one of Planet Oasis’ main selling points according to the video.

At one point, a scrolling lists of services appears; “Eastern Therapy, Energy Doctors, Nutritionists…”

“Who wants a nutritionist on vacation? Not me. Might as well get my prostate checked while I’m at PLANET OASIS,” mocks Allaire. Also, I need to know what an Energy Doctor is, and if they can prescribe BDE.”

What the author calls the “funniest” part of the video is when Glimcher is talking about the park’s alleged paddle boats and gondolas while B-roll of Universal Studios plays.

“They just took footage of Universal Studios and extremely poorly blurred out the giant logo in the background. Universal Studios would be one of Planet Oasis’ biggest competitors, so using their footage to help sell your park seems like an extremely bad idea,” writes Allaire. “Also, they definitely didn’t license this which makes it even funnier to me.”

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When the video goes into Planet Oasis’ Augmented and Virtual Reality features, the author goes off.

“Only one of the things they show actually exists yet!” he said.

Then, there’s the butterfly museum with “over 3,000 species.”

“WHY??” Allaire wonders.

And the “Sky Wheel.”

“WHY????? At this point you’re probably reacting like most people, asking how this is even possible,” he said.

Planet Oasis’ liberal use of stock image in their very first image was also a main laughing point for Allaire.

Here are a few examples:

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“Oh, and this video looks like it was made by me at the age of 12 in Windows Movie Maker,” he said.

Allaire on location: “The craziest part of this is that Delaware County hasn’t even agreed to this yet.”

Allaire on cost: “TWO. BILLION. DOLLARS. IN RURAL OHIO. That’s a lot of money!”

Allaire on the Planet Oasis in general: “I’m sure these are all good people but this just seems like a disaster from the beginning. Would probably be best to call this off before it begins.”

Read all his hot takes at ohvarsity.com

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Biz + Dev

Proposed Brewery District development could change skyline

614now Staff

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The Brewery district could be the site of a massive new construction project according to a report from ABC6.

During a meeting of The Brewery District Commission this week, North Carolina builder Zimmer Development Company and architectural firm NBBJ proposed a 30-story building complex to be developed on a 17-acre plot of land on West Whittier Street. The land is situated near Scioto Audubon Metro Park on the Whittier Peninsula.

According to the plan outlined by the developers, construction of the project would be broken up into three phases to be completed over 10-15 years. When complete, the complex would include over 370 apartments, 79-thousand square feet of office space, retail and restaurant space, outdoor patios, and a nearly 600-car garage.

Aside from the construction process itself, the proposed project will need to overcome a few hurdles in order to move forward. The proposed site of the building is currently owned by the company CSX, and also happens to reside on a flood plain.

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Biz + Dev

Columbus’ newest rooftop bar is now open

614now Staff

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UPDATE: Goodale Station officially opened on Thursday, Oct. 17. on the 12th floor of the Canopy by Hilton Columbus Downtown Hotel at 77 E. Nationwide Blvd.

The sprawling new concept features indoor and outdoor seating for up to 200 guests, and is open daily for dinner and drinks at 4:00 pm.

"Our menus are driven by the local bounty of Ohio and the Midwest to produce creative New American Cuisine,” Goodale Station Executive Chef Tripp Maudlin said in a statement. “Working with local farmers and artisans allows for the inspiration and creativity in the kitchen.”

Signature items for Goodale Station include Oysters, Pork Belly, Scallops and Ohio Wagyu New York Strip. The cocktail menu features classic and unique offerings such as "The Loose Cannon" (Rittenhouse rye whiskey, Plantation pineapple rum, banana and Elemakule Tiki Bitters) and "The Fancy Nancy" (Watershed chamomile vodka, Lillet Blanc, lemon juice, yuzu and St. Germain) and includes “Multiples” that serve 3-6 drinks per decanter.

Can't wait to experience everything this new rooftop destination has to offer? Check out this gallery to see what wonders await at Goodale Station!

***

Short North's newest place to eat, stay, and play will open tomorrow. The 13-story, $50 million, 167-room Canopy by Hilton will hold its grand opening on July 30 at 77 E. Nationwide Blvd, featuring two dining options and a rooftop lounge.

Central Market House restaurant on the ground floor will act as the hotel's main food provider with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The menu will feature a flexitarian (semi-vegetarian) menu of local and healthy options.

A dedicated elevator will take guests to Goodale Station, which offers stunning views of Downtown Columbus, the Short North, and Goodale Park. Goodale Station will feature a Southern-inspired menu for dinner and small plates along with craft cocktails open each day at 4:00 PM.

The Central Market House is named after Central Market which served as the central economic center of Columbus from 1850 until 1966, while Goodale Station pays tribute to Dr. Lincoln Goodale, one of Columbus’ founding fathers.

Other features of the Canopy hotel include:

  • Three deluxe and flexible meeting spaces offering a total of 1,850 square feet of space
  • Transfer Lounge with lockers and private showers for guests who arrive early
  • The Retreat, for guests seeking a quiet space
  • Complimentary Canopy Bikes which guests can use to explore the Short North
  • Rooftop state of the art fitness center

The Columbus location is one of only six other Canopy hotel in the United States.

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Biz + Dev

“Largest indoor entertainment center in U.S.” open now in Dublin

Regina Fox

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What has been dubbed "the largest indoor entertainment center in the United States" is opening in Tuttle Mall today.

Scene75 Entertainment has transformed a former Macy's into a two-story, 227,000-square-foot playground for adults and kids alike.

Customers can enjoy an indoor roller coaster, indoor go-karts, a two-story laser tag arena, more than 200 arcade games, a 36-foot tall drop tower, motion simulators, batting cages, an inflatapark, blacklight miniature golf, bumper cars, escape rooms, karaoke, archery tag, and more according to 10TV.

In addition to the attractions, those patrons 21 years of age and older can enjoy a full service, magic-themed bar. Scene75 will also offer food at Illusions Restaurant & Bar.

This giant fun factory will feature nine private party rooms and an events space with a capacity of 500 people.

Scene75 has locations in Dayton, Cincinnati, and Cleveland.

Scene75 is located at 5033 Tuttle Crossing Blvd, Dublin and is open Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday from 11am- 10pm, Friday from 11am- 1am and Saturday 10am- 1am Monday and Tuesday they will be closed for private events.

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