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The Big Ten: 10 reasons why Jim Harbaugh is an absolute nutcase

1870 Staff

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There’s no question Jim Harbaugh is a weirdo. He’s been caught picking his nose on the sidelines, he essentially wears the same outfit every single day no matter the occasion, and his personality is about as bright as a military general on cocaine. In other words, Harbaugh is set in his ways, and his ways are strange as shit.

But there’s more to this man’s madness than booger flicking and khaki pants. He’s a weirdo that wears many hats (but not many different variation of pants). And we have 10 reasons to prove it to you.

1.) Jim Harbaugh, the Spongebob fanatic.

To quote the coach on a radio show in Ann Arbor, “I love his attitude. He attacks each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind! I’ve kind of modeled my behavior after him. We all should. What a great employee he is. He’s a go-getter. He’s always got a bounce to his step. He’s got pizzazz. He puts his heart and soul into making those krabby patties. I think he’s awesome.” Uhhh, sure. Whatever you say, man.

2.) Jim Harbaugh, the house guest.

“Mom, can coach Harbaugh stay the night tonight?” Those were (probably) the words of Michigan’s current kicker, Quinn Nordin, as well as the defensive end from USC, Connor Murphy. In an effort to get the two recruits to commit to Michigan, Harbaugh took trips to visit the athletes. Perfectly normal. What’s not normal is Harbaugh crashing at the recruits house for the night. Dude, you are the third highest paid coach in college football. You’re either too cheap to buy a hotel, or you’re too odd to realize this was a weird ass move.

3.) Jim Harbaugh, the music man.

If you haven’t had the luxury of watching this music video, put this magazine down and pull up YouTube. Rap duo, Bailey, produced a Michigan hype song to promote the 2016 season titled “Who Has It Better Than Us?” which featured Harbaugh literally screaming those exact words for the chorus. This is just as much weird (Harbaugh’s rap career isn’t looking good) as it is ironic as the Wolverines would go on to lose to Ohio State and in their bowl game against Florida State. We can think of at least two schools that have it better than ya’ll…

4.) Jim Harbaugh, the conspiracy theorist.

He said they were a “nervous bird.” We’re not even gonna attempt to explain this. Here’s what a former Michigan quarterback, Wilton Speight, had to say to Bleacher Report about the hate against chickens: “He thinks some type of sickness injected its way into the human population when people began eating white meats instead of beef and pork. And he believes it, 100 percent.” … Riiiiight.

5.) Jim Harbaugh, the babysitter.

Turns out that fateful night he stayed with Connor Murphy wasn’t the first time. Harbaugh has stayed at the Murphy residence in the past, when he was a head coach at Stanford, to recruit Murphy’s brother, Trent. During the night, Connor and Trent’s mother went into labor forcing the father to take her to the hospital to give birth. As for Harbaugh and, at the time, 12-year-old Connor? Here’s what Connor told the LA Times: “Coach Harbaugh sat on my living room floor with me and we drank milk and played chess.”

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6.) Jim Harbaugh, the patriotic music man.

If coaching doesn’t work, it seems like Harbaugh is eyeing a career in music. In 2016, rapper Lil Dicky came to Ann Arbor to preform. For reasons we have absolutely no way of understanding, Lil Dicky brought Harbaugh on stage to… sing the national anthem? And, as on brand as the mother fucker is, he was wearing those damn khakis for the performance. He probably flicked a few boogers backstage, too.

7.) Jim Harbaugh, the president?

Apparently rapper Wale and Jim Harbaugh are cooking something up for a presidential run. In 2016, Wale tweeted at the TTUN coach and endorsed him for a presidential campaign. Harbaugh responded back eager to bring Wale on as his Vice President. Let’s play a game, Buckeye Nation, would you rather have Trump as president, or Harbaugh?

8.) Jim Harbaugh, the khakis man.

We all know how much the man loves his Dockers, but do you really know how deep that love runs? The man worksout in his khakis. We’re sure that never gets too sweaty. The man swims—SWIMS!!—in his khakis. And he’s even been spotted running around the practice field shirtless showing off that pasty-white dad bod, but still in those damned khakis.

9.) Jim Harbaugh, the dietician.

We already know the man hates chickens, but did you know how much he loves cows? Almost as much as he loves khakis, believe it or not. Harbaugh is convinced that milk and steak are a “natural steroid.” Here’s what Harbaugh had to say about his affinity to “natural steroids” on a radio show in Ann Arbor: “I take a vitamin every day. It’s called a steak. … I truly believe the No. 1 natural steroid is sleep, and the No. 2 natural steroid is milk, whole milk. Three would be water. Four would be steak. [Steak] … it goes with everything.”

10.) Jim Harbaugh, the actor.

Why not? He’s a president, a singer, a rapper, a babysitter, and even a Spongebob stan. Of course he’s made a few appearances on television. The first time was on Saved By The Bell where he didn’t even get an excited “woo!” from the fake audience when he came on screen. Screech gets one every time he’s on camera and he’s a main character. The other time was when Harbaugh showed his true side on Detroiters for a skit. He loses his shit during a tailgating style game and ends up drilling the main character in the back of the head with a football. Okay so the Detroiters skit is actually kind of funny.•

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The Interview Issue: Paralympic Rower Blake Haxton

Linda Lee Baird

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Each January, we feature the movers and shakers of the city in in-depth, in-person interviews that dig into their backgrounds, their plans, and what ties them to the capital city. While our interview issue subjects are all Columbus-based, their stories are universal. So settle in, cozy up, and give yourself some you-time. You’ll want to read every word.

As a senior and the captain of the crew team at Upper Arlington High School in 2009, Blake Haxton was making plans for the future. Then came a moment he couldn’t have planned for. In March, he developed a cramp in his leg that quickly turned far more severe; Haxton had contracted the flesh-eating disease necrotizing fasciitis. Within days, the illness led to organ failure, and Haxton was in danger of losing his life. To save him, doctors made the decision to amputate both of his legs. Ultimately, it took more than 20 surgeries and three months in the hospital before Haxton returned home.

Haxton shared his worries during his long recovery. “I remember being in the ICU still. [...] I was starting to project forward, ‘well, what’s life going to be like now?’” He worried about what he would be able to do, and what he would miss.

Although many of his hospital visitors encouraged him to try para-rowing, he was reluctant. “I knew what the process would be; I just had no desire to do it,” he said. His resistance to rowing stayed with him when he was discharged, and throughout his undergraduate years as a Finance major at Ohio State.

His attitude began to change as he prepared to start law school. “I really haven’t been that active for four years. I need to be an adult and figure out, you know, just a way to work out and train and be healthy,” he said. So he returned to the ergometer—known as “the erg”—an indoor rowing machine. Still, it wasn’t what he was used to, and he didn’t enjoy it at first. “It felt so abbreviated and cramped,” he said.

Photos: Brian Kaiser

It took a shift in his mindset to change his relationship with the erg. Haxton began thinking of para-rowing as “an entirely different sport” from what he’d done at Upper Arlington.

When he let go of those expectations, Haxton discovered that he was good. Really good.

“They publish time standards on the ergs... and if you’re under this time, you can try out for the national team; if you’re under this time, you can probably make it. [...] Well I got under those times for my event.”

Haxton signed up for a competition called the Indoor World Championships, where rowers competed on ergs in the same room, pulling as fast as they could.

He won.

Then the U.S. National Team approached him about trying out. “That’s what got me back in the boat,” Haxton said. He calls returning to the water “one of the best decisions I ever made.”

In 2016, Haxton qualified for the Paralympic Games in Rio. He said that life in the Olympic Village isn’t as glamorous as it might look from the outside. “You’re pretty isolated,” he explained. Getting sick would be detrimental in races where tenths-of-seconds matter, so athletes keep to themselves and try to stay focused. “You don’t really get out of that loop of just training, sleep, compete. And you don’t really want to,” Haxton said. He ultimately placed fourth, “which was about as good as I could have done.”

Now 28 years old, Haxton is in his prime

years by rowing standards (male rowers are generally considered to peak between ages 28-32). He finished seventh in the 2019 World Championships, qualifying the U.S. Men’s team for a spot in the Tokyo 2020 Paralympics. Under the rules of U.S. Men’s Rowing, however, there’s still an individual qualifying race to determine who will compete. Haxton is spending his winter training for the race—and what he hopes will be his second Paralympics— with weights and on the erg. When the weather warms, he’ll return to practicing in the boat.

In addition to rowing, Haxton works full- time as an Investment Research Associate at Diamond Hill Capital Management. “We divide up the market of publicly traded stocks by industry,” he explained, investing in opportunities that may have been overlooked or undervalued elsewhere. Haxton specializes in airlines and oil and gas, and calls the work “a ton of fun.”

Unsurprisingly, Haxton is a busy man. With a twice-a-day, six-day-per-week training regime on top of his job, his schedule doesn’t leave him with much wiggle room or social time. “There’s some wedding invitations you have to turn down,” he said.

On the other hand, Haxton is thrilled with how he gets to spend his days. “A lot of people don’t get to say they like any job they have. I have two jobs I really like—rowing and investing—and I get to do both of them every day. What could be better than that?”

Even so, he becomes introspective when asked about the moment he knew that his path, as an athlete and businessman, was the right one for him to follow. “I’m not really sure it is,” he said. “I couldn’t answer honestly saying, like, I think that ‘Blake Haxton’s purpose on this planet is rowing or investing.’ I don’t know the answer to that question. And I do think we all have a purpose... and I think that the talents we all have are hints about what that purpose is.”

Haxton, someone who has been through— and accomplished—so much in his 28 years, expresses tremendous gratitude for the way he gets to spend his life. He’s grateful for his friends who have made his path as an athlete

possible. “I can’t carry my boat on my own, can’t do a lot of travel on my own,” he said. “There’s a really core group that’s around that enables me to do all these things.”

Haxton has a true village of friends in Columbus and across the country who are intrinsic pieces in the puzzle of his athletic success. Members of his village will wake at 5 a.m. to join him on the water and help him practice. They will use their vacation time to drive him to competitions in other states. And not only will they do so without complaint, they share his excitement. “There’s not one trip [...] where we don’t look at each other and be like, “‘man, how cool is this!’” Haxton said.

His positive attitude and his self- described “stubborn” dedication as an athlete were undoubtedly behind his U.S. Rowing teammates voting him the 2016 Male Athlete of the Year. Haxton is the first para-athlete to receive the award, and he’s humbled by it. “It’s the greatest honor I’ve ever gotten by a long measure,” he said.

Even in the hardest times, Haxton has learned to be “willfully grateful.” He points to that moment when he was still in the ICU, as he wondered what the future would hold for him as a double amputee. His fears and worries began to snowball as it sunk in that his life was forever changed.

And then he looked up and saw his mom sitting in the corner of the room. The moment was a revelation.

“I realized how true it was, that as bad as this is, it would be so much worse if my mom wasn’t here,” he said. “In that moment, it was like the snowball stopped rolling.” He began to think of the other visitors coming that day—his dad, grandpa, and brother. “I sort of found that it can snowball the other way,” he said. “I was surprised by how powerful that was.”

Haxton knows firsthand that life comes with real difficulties. He says the hard moments need to be confronted, not “swept under the rug.” Still, he focuses on the people around him and the support they provide him as an athlete, colleague, and friend. “When you get to go through life with teammates like that,” he says with a smile, “it’s pretty good.”

Visit blakehaxton.com to learn more.

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Decade in Review: Ohio State Football

Mitch Hooper

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Have the 2010s been the best in Ohio State football history?

When you’re in the midst of an athletic dynasty, sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses. The Ohio State football team has been on a tirade over the last 10 years, winning multiple Big Ten Championships, sending top-tier talent to the NFL, and of course bringing home a National Championship. Each season somehow exceeds last season’s expectations and now it seems every year is championship or bust. As we enter into another decade of Buckeye football it’s worth asking: has this been the best decade to date? In this case, hindsight is 2020, literally.

The first year of the new decade certainly didn’t predict the future. Following then-head coach Jim Tressel’s resignation amid the Tattoogate controversy, Luke Fickell was brought in as head coach in 2011 where the Buckeyes would finish the season 6-7, dropping a game to Michigan at the end of the season as well as losing to Florida in the Gator Bowl. Shortly after one down year, Urban Meyer was hired as head coach in 2012 where he quickly got the team back on track. Twelve wins, no losses, and a handful of “what if’s” due to the lingering controversy causing a one-year bowl ban.

The years preceding 2012 have been something akin to a collective chip on the shoulder to all of Buckeye nation. The 2013 campaign started hot, but fizzled out with losses coming from Michigan State in the Big Ten Championship, followed by dropping the Orange Bowl against Clemson. And just when it seemed like the Buckeyes were in the prime position to run the college football tables in 2014, senior quarterback Braxton Miller went down with an injury that would cost him a season.

How did the Buckeyes respond? Resoundingly.

Though the 2014 season holds a blemish with a home loss to Virginia Tech in week two, this squad went on to do the unthinkable. They dominated the Big Ten and found themselves in November just one game against Michigan away from a second year in the Big Ten Championship, and maybe even a shot in the first ever College Football Playoff system. Just like the beginning of the season, the team faced a test of overcoming an injury. JT Barrett, who would go on to become one of the most decorated quarterbacks in Ohio State history, was injured, and the Buckeyes were down to their third-string quarterback as they prepared for the biggest games of the season. The Bucks would go on to win the battle against the Wolverines, but the season-long war was back up in the air.

And again, the team responded. Cardale Jones, a redshirt sophomore quarterback, stepped into his role tremendously as the Buckeyes would go on to rout Wisconsin in the Big Ten Championship, upset Alabama in the first round of the playoffs, and defeat Oregon to secure the first ever title of Undisputed National Champions.

Since then, the times have been good to Buckeye nation, aside from a few dropped games here and there. Sure, fans would like to forget those anomaly games like Purdue’s major upset against then-ranked No. 2 Ohio State. But the numbers don’t lie when you look back. Though Meyer’s stint as head coach was only seven seasons, he was able to secure three Big Ten Championships. And he never lost to Michigan, a badge no other Buckeye coach can wear. He also holds one of the highest win percentages of any Ohio State coach; second to current coach Ryan Day, whose sample size is still growing with only one year under his belt. In the past 25 years of Buckeye football, they have been able to achieve 16 seasons with 11 wins or more—seven of those seasons occurred during the 2010 decade. Additionally, the Buckeyes have been in the playoffs twice; a feat that no other Big Ten team can claim.

This doesn’t even begin to include the talent being drafted into the NFL each season. Let’s compare the 1970s to now. The ‘70s are widely accepted as one of the best decades in Buckeye football, with the ship being guided by legendary head coach Woody Hayes. Through that decade, the Buckeyes put 16 first-round draft picks in the league. In this last decade, the Buckeyes have put 15 first- round draft picks in the league and the 2020 NFL Draft hasn’t even happened yet. With names like Chase Young at the top of many expert’s boards, barring any unfortunate injuries, it’s safe to assume they’ll exceed that number.

Through all of these good times comes the cost of winning, and Ohio State seems to find itself at the center of many controversies over the last decade. The aforementioned Tattoogate in 2010 led to the third-winningest coach in OSU history’s resignation and a two-year probation. It also led to all the wins from the 2010 season being vacated. Former university president E. Gordon Gee stepped down in 2013 after insensitive comments relating to the University of Notre Dame and Catholicism. JT Barrett found himself the center of attention after being arrested for trying to avoid a DUI checkpoint in 2015. And while Meyer’s feats as head coach were impressive, the controversy that came with the Zach Smith domestic violence debacle created a cycle of events that eventually led to Meyer stepping down as head coach following the 2018 season. Toss in Chase Young’s recent run in with a loan and the NCAA handing out a suspension and it seems each season has two storylines: what happened on the field, and what happened off the field.

Truly, the cost of winning for the Buckeyes has been high. It seems each controversy could have led to the end of the dynasty, but instead, it seems the Buckeyes are able to reload much like the football team does on the field each year. Tressel was the third-most winningest coach in history; how do you replace him? Well, you do so with the second-highest win percentage coach in history. And if Day’s instant success as coach is any sign of the future, the next 10 years have all the potential to be even better.

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Big Macs and Bowl Games: Enter McDonalds sweepstakes for college football getaway

614now Staff

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Now that Ohio State has secured its bid to play in the 2019 College Football Playoffs, every fan across Columbus is vying for tickets to the Bowl Game. Lucky for you, McDonald’s has the answer.

Today, McDonald’s launches their Buckeye Bowl Game Sweepstakes in partnership with Ohio State Athletics, where one lucky winner will win a trip for two to the 2019 Fiesta Bowl Game on Saturday, Dec. 28, including prime tickets to the game, transportation to and from, plus hotel and travel accommodations.

Fans can enter the Buckeye Bowl Game Sweepstakes by purchasing a Quarter Pounder or Quarter Pounder with cheese from any McDonald’s in the greater Columbus area, either in restaurants or through their favorite delivery service. With each order, customers will receive a golden ticket with entry details, leading them to the sweepstakes website.

And the best part is for every submission placed, McDonald’s Owner/Operators of Columbus will donate $1 to Ronald McDonald House Charities of Central Ohio, helping them meet their annual fundraising goal.

“For McDonald’s, and for those of us as local business owners, it’s about more than selling burgers. It’s about creating a lasting impact in our community,” said Mike Telich, Columbus McDonald’s Owner/Operator in a statement. “Supporting RMHC is more than just a donation, its ensuring families with ill or injured children get the emotional and physical support they need, as well an alternative to the financial burden of staying at a hotel and going out for meals."

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