Relationships and dating are hard—social media is isolating, and pressure to be in a relationship is reinforced this time of year. That’s why twin brothers Jonathan and David Bennett started Double Trust Dating, a company that helps people improve their social skills, which are foundational to success in dating and relationships.
“Charisma, con dence, charm—people think you’re born with it but it’s like any skill that you can improve and develop with practice,” Jonathan said. David points out that love and relationships are an important aspect of life, and they’re worth investing in. They should know: both brothers are certi ed relationship and life coaches.
Whether you’re single and looking or in a long-term relationship, sharing your life with someone takes work. Here are some tips from the Bennett brothers for all stages of relationships.
(614): What’s the best way to approach dating?
Jonathan: First, be open. We have a checklist mentality […] we have a long list of things we want in a partner. Looking based on that list doesn’t usually lead to love, it leads to a lot of first dates and dissatisfaction. Love is a feeling, and a lot of loves and crushes don’t meet those checklists. When you “swipe right” and give people who don’t match that list a chance, you’re more likely to find that deep connection.
David: Second, be approachable. Brush up on your social skills and talk to people throughout your day. So many of us are closed o —we’re on our phones or have headphones on.
(614): How do I meet people?
David: While online dating can be helpful, it’s more e ective to meet people in the real world. What leads to falling in love is interacting. Get out! Go to your regular hangouts and interact. Go to new places that present social opportunities. Look for things that reflect what you enjoy and your values; it’s easier to talk and connect when you have things in common. There are a lot of opportunities such as religious services, clubs and trivia nights.
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(614): What should I do in the beginning of a committed relationship?
Jonathan: Balance chemistry with core values. Be proactive and ask questions about goals, milestones and what constitutes monogamy. Know that you may have more chemistry with someone that seems like an odd match, and little chemistry with someone who seems perfect on paper. Be careful of outside noise such as “my mom and friends love him but I’m not sure.”
(614): How can I start my marriage off right?
David: There’s a dopamine high for a few weeks after the wedding but then things go back to normal. The brain chemicals of passion last two to three years, then couples have to confront the reality of the relationship. Know that your relationship always requires work, and keep things fresh. Also, keep working on yourself and maintain other relationships.
(614): How can I keep my relationship strong when I have kids?
Jonathan: Prioritize the romantic relationship. If it becomes all about the kids, the romance dies. “Kids come first” can translate into, “I don’t matter.” People feel guilty prioritizing sex and romance, but you need to give time to the relationship— and to yourself.
(614): We’ve hit a rough patch. What now?
David: Continual honest and authentic communication—no topic is o limits. The things we default to when we’re not communicating [such as] passive aggressive communication, expecting someone to read your mind, the silent treatment lead to anger and aggressive communication.
(614): How do I get out of a relationship unscathed?
David: Again, communication. Many times breakups are bad because there was a lack of communication and the breakup is out of the blue, even though it seems obvious to the other person. If you’re honest throughout the relationship, the breakup is less of a shock.
Jonathan: Keep the breakup as private and amicable as possible. Keep it o social media, and take time to process your emotions. The emotional center of the brain where love comes from is the same place hatred comes from—that’s why you can feel love and deep hatred for someone at the same time.
(614): How do I start over after a breakup?
Jonathan: Be single and enjoy it! Not feeling like you need someone right now leads to better relationships later. Take at least a few weeks to process the breakup and reconnect with people. Jumping in too fast can cloud your decision-making.
David: When you’re ready to start dating, brush up on your dating and flirting skills since you haven’t used them in awhile. Don’t be afraid to fail and laugh at the bad parts. Get help if needed—there’s a stigma around seeking help
with dating, but we join a gym to work on our health so why not seek the same support for relationships?