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Stream Dream: The Columbus you remember is only a screen away

Mike Thomas

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You’re doing the right thing and hunkering down for the long haul of social distancing. As the days blur together, stretching into weeks, and yes, probably months, you’ve already watched and re-watched every season of It’s Always Sunny. That old Playstation 3, once relegated to a back corner of the closet, has long since been dusted off. Congratulations on finally achieving 100% completion on GTA4, by the way. Now shit is getting real. Cabin fever has set in, and the election you held for the squirrels who frequent your back deck was less than civil (a 3% flat tax on acorns!? Squirrel E. Sanders is out of his cute little mind). 

You need to get out of the house, but let’s face it: another walk around the block or trip to the park only does so much to stave off the ever-encroaching madness. What you really need is a taste of the city life you remember, the bustling streets of Columbus packed with folks going about their everyday business in the before-times. Alas, civic duty demands that you minimize unnecessary trips into public, not that there would be much to do anyway with most businesses shuttered for the foreseeable future. 

Well put on your finest PJ’s, cinch up that robe and comb that greasy, unwashed hair out of your face. It’s 2020, which means we’re still living in some semblance of the future. For a trip through the covid-free streets of the city you know and love, all you need is an internet connection and a subscription to a major streaming service or two. For your viewing pleasure, here are a few choice features with a Columbus connection to get you by until the city re-opens for business.

Hannibal Classics

I Am Wrath

Both filmed and set in Columbus, this John Travolta vehicle is chock full of the scenery you know and love. Follow Travolta through the “mean streets” of the Short North (ha) as he hunts down his murdered wife’s killer or something. As a movie, this thing is pretty unwatchable. As a glimpse of our hometown when it was actually occupied by living, breathing people, it’s number one with a bullet. So throw one of the scenes with the Short North in the background on pause and pretend you’re standing in line to get into the Pint House, or whatever it is you used to do down there.

Warner Bros. Pictures

Ready Player One 

This Stephen Speilberg-directed flick adapted from the Ernest Cline novel takes place in a future Columbus where a largely unemployed populace escape the doldrums of their dystopian existence by plugging into a complex digital world. On second thought, this one might be a little on the nose. Just cut to the chase and pop in that Blu-ray of Inception instead.

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Columbia Pictures

Zombieland

Though it might not take place in Columbus, Jesse Eisenberg’s character in this 2009 action-comedy romp is from Columbus, even adopting the city’s name as his moniker. In the film, “Columbus” has a complex set of rules he abides by to get through an apocalyptic, pandemic-ruined landscape. (Talk about relatable). Queue up the scene where Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, and the rest of the plucky crew of Zombie hunters are partying down in Bill Murray’s mansion-turned-fortress, and you just might be able to convince yourself you’re back at the bar tying one on with genuine Columbus folk.

Luna Pictures Blue Streak Films

Edge of Seventeen

No, not the 2016 coming-of-age drama starring Haley Steinfeld (apologies to those hoping for a mini-Woody Harrelson marathon). The 1998 movie of the same name tells the story of a young college student coming to terms with his identity as a gay man, with many scenes set on a fictionalized version of The Ohio State University campus. With classes and sporting events cancelled for the foreseeable future, we’ll take any chance we can get to relive our Buckeye glory days—fake campus or not.

20th Century Studios

Point Break

Speaking of fake depictions of Buckeye glory, now seems as good a time as any to rewatch the classic 1991 crime-meets-action-sports thriller Point Break. In the film, onetime OSU star QB and current undercover cop Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves) takes on adrenaline junkie “Bodhi” (Patrick Swayze) and his gang of thrill seeking, skydiving, bank-robbing surfer bros. With cameos from members of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and more rubber Ronald Reagan masks than you can shake a stick at, this is the most excitement you’re likely to get until the real Buckeyes take to the field again this fall (God willing). 

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Lifestyle

Organize Your Life: Bullet Journaling

Julian Foglietti

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After three months of isolation, and the general productivity lull it created, I began searching for a way to bring some structure back into my life. After a week of stumbling through various self-help forums, I came across the world of Bullet Journaling.  Originally developed by Ryder Carroll, a NYC Product Designer.

Bullet Journaling works by allowing the rapid listing of thoughts, tasks, and events. In its simplest form, it allows you to organize the quick, fleeting ideas we have and go back through, organizing them at the end of the day. As the name suggests, Bullet Journaling relies on bullet points as the main method of organizing information. Each point acts as a reference to a thought. However, unlike other task management methods, one of the biggest aspects of Bullet Journaling is reflecting on what was written over the course of the day, and transferring what's essential to the next day. It’s this aspect of reflection that has proven to be so effective for me.

As a journalist I often find myself juggling multiple stories at different stages of progress. Bullet Journaling has allowed me to prioritize each of these stories and their deadlines. Where I once had pages of random scribbles, I now have a system to easily find and reflect upon all the information I’m constantly intaking.

How to make your own Bullet Journal:

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Health & Fitness

Former OSU Linebacker partners with local CBD Company

Julian Foglietti

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Former Ohio State University All-American linebacker, and NFL Fox analyst, Chris Spielman has announced a partnership with CBD Health Collection. Speilman was first introduced to the company while looking for solutions to his “nagging pain”, the result of injuries sustained throughout his football career. CBD Health Collection was founded in 2017 by Rick Bauer in conjunction with his son and daughter who run production and marketing respectively.

In conjunction with the new partnership, CBD Health Collection will be launching a Spielman branded line of CBD products targeted at former athletes and weekend warriors experiencing residual pain from sports. The new products will initially be available online as the company finalizes their retail distribution plans. 

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Health & Fitness

It’s no longer necessary to do squats outside of your gym, for now

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Gym rats rejoice! Those who’ve been missing the arduousness of wiping down salty equipment after each use or hoping that they come across some top-secret CIA information on the lockerroom floor are in luck.

Since the closing of all non-essential business on March 24, gyms have been void of protein shakes and Affliction t-shirts. Following a court order on Tuesday, workout facilities are now allowed to open their doors earlier than the previous May 26 ruling. Those who were adamant about getting leg day in while also exercising their first amendment rights will no longer have to do so outside of gym complexes.

Lake County Common Pleas Judge Eugene Lucci ruled on Tuesday that state and county health officials, including Ohio Director of Public Health Dr. Amy Acton and the Lake County General Health District, won’t be able to take any action against fitness facilities violating the original reopening date. This comes following a complaint filed by The 1851 Center for Constitutional Law on behalf of 35 Ohio gyms, including Columbus’ Ohio Strength.

The general public would be harmed if an injunction was not granted. There would be a diminishment of public morale and a feeling that one unelected individual could exercise such unfettered power to force everyone to obey," Lucci wrote in the injunction

"The public would be left with feelings that their government is not accountable to them. Prolonged lockdowns have deleterious effects upon the public psyche."

When Lt. Gov. Jon Husted announced several opening days this past Thursday, guidelines that gyms would have to follow to remain open were also outlined. Gyms, fitness centers, and dance studios must keep employees and clients six feet apart, which also includes equipment. Upon entering these facilities, everyone will be asked to wash their hands or use hand sanitizer. 

Fitness facilities will not be asked to close if they follow these guidelines.

This doesn’t mark the end of the lawsuit, though. Restrictions placed on fitness centers are being temporality lifted while the case makes its way through the court system. A successful lawsuit, however, could mean that gyms could sue the state for lost income.

“The ruling by Judge Eugene Lucci of the Lake County Court of Common Pleas explains that private property rights are fundamental rights in Ohio, and that the Ohio Department of Health has both violated those rights and exceeded its own authority,” according to a statement from Cincinnati-based Finney Law Firm.

Photo by: WKYC Channel 3
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