Satireday: Local Rebel elects to “wait it out” rather than using some “new-age” at BMV

For Gary McPherson—former Columbus Man, now Local Rebel, currently still at the BMV—some things just don’t need to change.

“I’ve been coming to the BMV for 35 years now,” McPherson angrily explained. “And now you’re telling me I can just waltz in here using some fancy pants technology to hold my place in line? Not on my watch.”

After the announcement of Gov. Mike DeWine’s program to cut back waiting time at the BMV, McPherson said this was yet another move to make the next generation “softer.”

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“What happened to the good old days where you had to wait in line while the six people ahead of you forgot all of their required paperwork? Back in my day, we’d have to hike three miles uphill both ways just to get to the BMV. Nowadays, kids just ride those damn scooters.”

Thanks to the new app, McPherson’s trip to the BMV took an additional 30 minutes. As he was next in line, someone who had secured a window at that moment arrived forcing him back to his seat to await his turn.

“Sure, I was angry just like any other trip to the BMV, but this just didn’t feel right,” McPherson said, clearly disheartened. “I want to sit next to the person who potentially will ruin my lunch break.”

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