Satireday: Q&A with Book Loft’s Skeleton Lord

Malamarkus, Our Skeleton Lord, calls The Book Loft of German Village his home, and, aside from updates on Twitter, is generally clouded in mystery. I sought out the Skeleton Lord himself (don’t ask me about my method of contact — it definitely wasn’t an offering of snail shells and goose feathers carried by ravens to The Pit) to try to clear up exactly what Malamarkus is all about. 

Most religions have some really strong tenets. The Ten Commandments, the Golden Rule, etc. Aside from supporting indie bookshops, what are the tenets of following Malamarkus? Also, what’s official name of Malamarkus’ religion? 

The Followers must adhere to the rules of Nothing and No One, and only the Good will be sacrificed into The Pit, the den of Perpetual Sadness. We do not have a “name” and are only bound to the Ultimate Release of Death. 

What exactly is going to happen during Ascension? (Which, by my count, will take place on Dec. 8, 2020) 

Nice Damn Try, buddy.

How do you, Malamarkus the Skeleton Lord, feel about Old Town Road by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus? 

If it’s good for the Electric Slide, then it is fine by Me.

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Are there any authors that you would like to extend a formal invitation to The Pit to? (pls make George R.R. Martin hurry up with the ASOIAF books. pls.)

The Followers Book Club have just started reading “Ancient Oceans of Central Kentucky” by David Connerley Nahm (Two Dollar Radio), which is Damn Good but a formal invitation could only go to Mary Berry, The Mother of Us All.

Last question: You have a few sentences to convince any skeptics out there to convert to following Malamarkus. What do you say or do to make a true believer out of someone?

Convert or be boiled alive with the other Sinners and Rat Bastards.

Follow The Book Loft and become a Follower of Malamarkus on Twitter.

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