Drink up, Columbus! I’m putting booze on sale.

BBQ got its deep hooks into me when I had…

Dear citizens:

First, let me thank each and every one of you who voted for me last month. It’s a great honor to represent the right-thinking among you. For those who did not vote for me, tough cookies. Whether you are celebrating my grand victory or self-medicating at the thought of four more years, I’m happy to announce an early Christmas gift from me (err, the State).

Today, I have authorized state Liquor Control to offer retail discounts of up to 33 percent on 118 discontinued items in every spirit category. Here’s the complete list and its heavy on flavored vodkas if that’s your sort of thing. Hurry to your local retailer as these items will not stay in stock. And if I’m honest, the state could really use the cash right now. Fracking oil…

There are additional sales and rebates going on as well that include many popular brands such as Captain Morgan, Crown Royal, Grey Goose, 1800 Tequila, New Amsterdam and Skyy.

So take advantage of this fantastic deal, stock up that home bar, contribute to Ohio’s economy and help create jobs!

Yours,

Governor Kasich.

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