Wait, What?! Ohio Man Terrorizes Parking Lot by Masturbating & “Acting Like a Gorilla”

Police arrested an Ohio man who was “acting like a gorilla” at a Giant Eagle Plaza in Warren. Despite, all the gorilla related news in the past few months – this was not because of Harambe, the Cincinnati Gorilla who was shot earlier this year. No, this was a completely separate event, and would have happened regardless of Harambe.

Timothy Cook, 32, walked into a nearby License Bureau and started flailing his arms and then got right into it and started masturbating on the sidewalk. I mean,if you’re going to play the part of a gorilla, might as well go method.

The license bureau was not a fan of this guy’s Daniel Day Lewis style performance of a gorilla and locked their doors.

After a little bit, the police arrive on scene – surely they’re confused. They find Cook “acting like a gorilla” and was “squatting on all fours, punching the blacktop and jumping up and down screaming noncoherently.”

Did I mention there was another guy? No word on whether this other guy was acting like a gorilla, but he was busted on disorderly conduct along with Cook.

Cook didn’t resist arrest, perhaps thinking that the Giant Eagle Plaza was not the place to put on a drunken re-enactment of every time I go to the zoo to see the bonobos.

This (not surprisingly) is not Cook’s first run in with the law. Cook’s rap sheet includes multiple arrests for drug possession and theft, along with collars for burglary, criminal trespass, breaking and entering, domestic violence, possession of drug paraphernalia, and carrying a concealed weapon. Court records show that Cook has a pending felony narcotics possession case.

In the most bizarre thing, after arriving at Trumbull Memorial Hospital, he was told to have a hold put on him. But due to “manpower shortages” the warrant is still active. So the police nabbed the monkey-man, dropped him off at the hospital and then bounced after issuing another warrant for his arrest.

For those in Warren – if you’re in a shopping center parking lot you’d be wise to keep your head on a swivel; the gorilla man could be close.

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