Lawful, Neutral, Chaotic: 9 people you’ll encounter at Spring Game

Does simply living in Columbus make you a part of Buckeye Nation by default? Because you’re an Ohio resident and the state tree is the Buckeye tree… so we’re each kind of like a buckeye nut on the three that is Ohio. But then again, if you don’t actively support the Ohio State football team, why would you have to subscribe to the label of Buckeye Nation?

Anyways, the point is the unofficial start of Buckeye football begins this Saturday at noon with the inaugural Spring Game. The best part? Because OSU will be scrimmaging OSU, we’ve got no chance of losing.

If you’re braving the crowd to watch the Bucks knock the rust off and/or see Ryan Day in action at the top of the masthead for the first time, here is a cautionary piece on the 9 people you’ll have to prepare to interact with.

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NEUTRAL GOOD: Young Buckeye Fans

“Dad, why do all of these people around us keep saying bad words?”

TRUE NEUTRAL: Stadium Police

“Please don’t throw up on the person in front of you, and refrain from hitting your JUUL inside the stadium, and we won’t bother you.”

NEUTRAL EVIL: Drunk Students

“No, no, there are totally assigned seats for this game, and you’re in the wrong one, so move down. See, my ticket says row 8009, seat 510 —oh wait, that’s just my BuckID. What team are we playing against today again?”

LAWFUL GOOD: The Pep Squad

“Watch us flip and show off our push-ups! We cheer for everyone today!”

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

LAWFUL NEUTRAL: Brutus Buckeye

*Smiles forever, punches own head, and claps*

LAWFUL EVIL: Block O

“We’re just here to support our Buckeyes in a fun and loving manner, but also RIP THEIR F*CKING HEADS OFF!”

CHAOTIC GOOD: Ryan Day

“We make an event out of the Spring Game so the other teams know we are a threat. More wins for the Buckeyes means more wins for me—I mean Buckeye Nation.”

CHAOTIC NEUTRAL: Football Players