Satireday: Columbus Man accidentally joins Pride Parade after trip to the grocery store

After heading to the grocery store on Saturday morning to pick up the supplies for his afternoon cookout, Adam Neilson suddenly realized he wasn’t in the Kroger parking lot anymore, rather, he was smack-dab in the middle of the 2019 Pride Parade.

Living just a few blocks away from the grocery store, Neilson said he elected to walk instead of drive. The weather was nice, he noted, and he wanted the extra steps for his Apple Watch.

“Sometimes it beeps at me to get up and move and it makes me feel self-conscious,” Neilson explained.

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Little did he know, his future held plenty of extra steps.

“I got a little confused on which way to go leaving the parking lot and next thing I knew I was in a crowd of people listening to someone explain a route,” Neilson recalled. “Everyone around me was just so friendly and welcoming that I got caught up in conversation and started walking with them.”

Though his arm grew tired from carrying a hefty bag holding ears of corn and other various cookout goodies, Neilson powered through the pain and finished the entire 1.6 mile parade.

“That was the wildest and shortest 5K I’ve ever ran! The groceries weighed me down a little, but I made it through.”

Sources close to Neilson are unsure if he is even aware that he marched in the 2019 Pride Parade and not a 5K. Those closest to Neilson describe him as “hopelessly oblivious” and “often absent minded.”

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