An Unholy Union: The Whopperito

Next monday, the world will know pain and anguish the likes of which it has never known before, as Burger King will unveil it’s newest macabre creation, the Whopperito.

This monster is constructed via a flour tortilla that is stuffed with the innards of a whopper, queso sauce (in lieu of mayo), chopped tomatoes, onions, lettuce and a nondescript amount of pickles (could be one, could be fifty – who knows) and with added seasonings.

The creation of this ‘thing’ could have been predicted. Some could say it was even the perfect storm: Chipotle’s E. Coli scandal, Taco Bell’s surging popularity, and Burger King’s inability to convince young people that their food is worth eating.

It all makes sense that Burger King would unleash this horror onto the world as they get closer and closer to being unrecognizable with the addition of hot dogs and deep-fried sticks of macaroni & cheese. What was once the home of The Whopper is now a strange, twisted version of itself, desperately trying to appeal to every consumer.

As a fast-food aficionado, let me just say that no one goes to Burger King (emphasis on the ‘burger’ part) to eat a burrito.

This all comes off the oddly coincidental news that Chipotle will be getting into the hamburger game, with a new concept called Tasty Made, opening this fall in Lancaster, Ohio. They’ll only have hamburgers, fries and shakes – so time will tell if they’ll eventually start deep frying sticks of macaroni & cheese.

The item was tested by a small Ohio audience, to which it gained favor in the deathmatch arena that is “fast food novelty items.”

All jokes aside, the Whopperito is only $2.99 and will be available for three to four months. That’s nearly 50% less the cost of a Chipotle burrito in Ohio and on par with some of Taco Bell’s premium items.

Regardless, I’ll be there and I’ll eat the damn thing. The review will come shortly after (if I survive.)

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