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Opening Volley

Opening Volley


Did you guys know that the dictionary definition of the word “best” sounds like a Bill & Ted quote?

Well, I do, mainly because after adandoning a few loose ideas for this month’s column (“Why Columbus is the Best City to Profess Your for Love Cleveland While Not Living There,” “What’s the Deal with Us and Tacos?”) I started looking up one simple-ass word to try and find some inspiration.

Staring me right in the face was this: “That which is the most excellent.”

Killer, dude.

And there was my solution in six words. Inspired by Larry Smith’s ongoing Six in the City campaign (; based on Ernest Hemighway’s “For sale: baby shoes, never worn”), I decided to reach out to our readers. After all, why have too many more words from me, when our ColumBest issue is all about your voice anyway? And boy, you guys really like to talk about the best in Columbus. As an add-on to the nearly million votes cast in 2016, here is your unabridged collection of six-word essays about the “best” part of our fine city.

Apologies to those I had to leave out (“I hit a dog on Hudson,” “The motherf*cking Hilltop,” and “We can’t count.”) To the rest of you, here’s our collective salute:

“Cheap rent, healthy economy, Nina West.” (Jay Lisk)

“Generally speaking, always DTF.” (Pat Deering)

“Craft beer scene slowly killing me.” (Dave Burkey)

“You can do whatever you like.” (Ben Wilkinson)

“Arts and culture, beer and people.” (Jimmy Mak)

“People support each other’s creative ideas.”

(Woody Drake)

“Not very many natural disasters here.” (Natalie Howard)

“Did it all for the nookie.” (Kelsey Hopkins)

“Your Kroger plus card accepted daily.” (Zach Henkel)

“Buckeye leaf looks like marijuana plant.” (Raena Emilia)

“You want it, can find it.” (Dima Lovchinsky)

“Shirts are optional regardless of gender.” (Steve Croyle)

“People saying they’re leaving and don’t.” (Christen Garms)

“Mike’s Grill, after your dreams die.” (Adam McLaughlin)

“Work in progress. Building for better.” (Blake Compton)

“…sez the Captain, ‘Make it so.’” (Michael S. Brown)

“I love the delicious dog food.” (Nathan Tillis)

“Collaboration, collaboration, collaboration, collaboration, collaboration, collaboration.” (Jay Clouse)

“Art community, ghost tours, dive bars.” (Tiffany Boggins)

“It’s not the same without Slopdonk’s.” (Kevin Merryman)

“When the students leave for summer.” (Molly Davis)

“Travis Hoewischer could leave sometime perhaps.”

(Greg Hagan)

“There’s room for everyone to grow.” (Rachel Murdock)

“The cocktails at Curio. More please.” (David Skeens)

“Good friends, good food, low dams.” (David Massimini)

“Record stores, local bands, Dick’s Den.” (Sioux Cavanaugh)

“It’s not New York or LA.” (Brandon Reichard)

“Biggest Small Town In The World.” (Philip Kim)

“Columbus still sucks because you suck.” (Ty Owen)

“Large food portions go for cheap.” (Lydia Lucas)

“Bill Cosgrove lives there. No, srsly.” (Bill Cosgrove)

“I’m sorry, what was the question?” (Peter Yockel)

“Small town feel, big ass heart.” (Hilary Buchanan

“The place you’re from sucks worse.” (Joe Atzberger)

“One Line, Mission, Roosevelt, Brioso, Fox/Snow.”

(Larry Smith)

“Universal accent makes people feel superior.”

(Laura Dachenbach)

“Medium-sized fish in medium-sized pond.” (Joy Macke)

“We are already a music city.” (Brian Ostrander)

More ranch than you can handle.” (Adam Bidwell)

“People smile and say ‘hello.’” (Andrew Campbell)

“The book on Columbus: still editing.” (Me)


Travis Hoewischer, Editor-in-Chief


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