Groundhog Shows Political Bias, 6 More Weeks of Winter

This groundhog is also a member of the Hollywood elite. Via Columbia Pictures

Punxsutawney Phil, known corporate shill, has debased his already questionable methods by predicting six more weeks of winter, for the 103rd or 104th time. When will this east-coast elitist break rank and give the American people what they want?

This coward saw his shadow and decided to turn and run. That simple. An american tradition rooted in  an assumption that this rodent has precognition, or at a minimum access to a doppler radar, is a clear sign of bias. This groundhog represents all other groundhogs and is doing them a grave injustice. It isn’t even a democracy! Call your representatives, call your senators and get them to replace this fascist hog.

What’s more alarming is that this purveyor of predictions is controlled by a shadowy organization sixty-five miles outside of where this Groundhog lives! Far-reaching arms of corruption? I think so.

This sickening “cult” which operates out of Gobbler’s Knob, is using this groundhog as a controversy shield, allowing them to make their outrageous predictions while hiding behind the wet dirt dweller’s disgusting body. They reap the benefits while dodging all controversy. Sound familiar? #knobgate

Punxsutawney Phil is the most widely “respected” of the future-predicting groundhogs, and because of this all other groundhogs fall inline — including Ohio’s own Buckeye Chuck, who similarly predicted six more weeks of winter. What a shame!

10tv got a glimpse into this debauched hell, watch at your own risk:

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